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A Secret Society Of The Starving

1) My heart hurts after reading this about the eating disorders. I know all too well what Chaos and Futurebird go through on a daily basis. I will tell you a short story on how my best friend was Bulimic in highschool. She compusivly execersized too. I experienced first hand dealing with this because I was so close to her. She was a very attractive girl, naturally blond with deep, dark blue eyes, and extremely intelligent. Her mother was a psychologist and didn't even know what was happening to her own daughter. I thought about calling her to talk quite a few times but I almost felt like I did not have a right to intervenes for the fear of loosing her friendship, and the fact that I felt it was not my battle to win. If I knew then what I know now I would have. I may have been able to save her maybe lessened her pain. By save her I mean from the emotional abuse she incurred among with the physical she put on her body. Eventually, I convinced her to seek help of a therapist. She improved dramatically. Things got back to normal. Then she met Bob a year later*we will call him Bob for the sake of not using his real name* He was a winner. Lies to her about his age (13 years older then her), that he had a child, in a biker gang, oh and did I mention he was married? Of course she found out and decided to stay with him. That was her first mistake. Her second was when he decided she was not thin enough. She was only 5'2 and 105ish lbs to start with. Anorexica set in and the once bubbly charismatic girl I once new turned into a 80lb cranky depressed "bag of bones". At that point, her mother threatened to put her in the hospital if she did not get back into counseling and gain a few pounds. After our Senior year I lost touch with her. When he pulled a gun out on my guyfriends because she was hanging out with all of us was the last straw. I will always remember what she said to me that night. Almost to justify what he did, "Well I support my boyfriend". All I could say was "these people you grew up with, these are our friends that would do anything for you, how dare you support this @ss hole, you have made your choice. That was our last conversation. She found out he was cheating on her then ended up moving in with the guy because he claimed he was getting a divorce and he loved her (not his wife or other random girls he was hooking up with). My hairstylist still occasionally sees her and I get updates maybe twice a year. "She has not died yet but lookes like she will soon", says my hairstylest. 6 years go by and he just now got the divorce, she still looks anorexic, got a "promise ring", and is only really aloud to associate hith her family or him. My point is that I know how she felt through the start of her disorder. I went on this emotional rollercoaster with her. When I hear eating disorder I think of her and all of the emotions of loosing someone you are so close to come back to me. She was the sister I never had.

The pro-ana community in my eyes are people with some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder, into perfectionism, serious attention to details, may exorcise to extremes, may have physical disorders because of lack of nutrition, looking for acknowledgement or some sort of attention, may have depression, broken home life, life so chaotic that the only thing they have to control is how they look (what they eat/do not eat), suffering quietly comes to mind, extreme addiction or obsession, your weight is your self worth by weight I mean your body image. In the book, Jill M.Pollack , the executive director of the Center for the Study of Anorexia and Bulimia says "Body image is a major deal, but it's about not being good enough, and they're trying to fix everything from the outside". Rules and restrictions about eating eating makes you guilty then to make up for it you throw up or restrict calories for awhile. The DSM IV is published by the American Psychiatric Association. What the DSM stands for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. DSM-IV criteria for having Anorexia or Bulimia can be found here at the American Family Physician web site http://www.aafp.org/afp/20000701/tips/15.html

Having an eating disorder is a silent cry for help. I understand how guilty you can feel after eating anything or even having it taste good. It is about punishment for that weak moment. This community values thinness. The skinner you are the better you will feel about yourself. These on-line places to go are all about empowering you for control and willpower will give you success. To reinforce the disorder you already have or encourage one to try it. Google pro-ana or pro-mia. You will have too much to look at.

posted by -*K*- @ 5:33 PM